I’ve seen a few articles online recently where an artist or band’s entire discography is ranked from worst to best. It is something that can lead to great discussion and argument because the writer is invariably “wrong”.
I decided I wanted a piece of that action and chose the titans of thrash metal, Metallica. Considering their 40-year history, Metallica have not exactly been prolific with just 10 studio albums under their collective belts. Anyone could rattle off a top 10 from that, so where’s the challenge? Well, the challenge for me is that I am going to rank every song in order.
The list will only include official album-length studio releases, no EPs or live albums. Their double album of cover versions will also not be included and that atrocity with Lou Reed will be conveniently forgotten.
I look forward to hearing how wrong you all think I am.
97 St. Anger
Although I said I was going to rank every song rather than every album, I’m immediately breaking my own rules. St Anger is by far the worst album Metallica have ever made and as a result, every track on it is tied for last place.
96 Low Man's Lyric
Keyboards? Tambourines? Piss off.
95 Mama Said
Terrible. And it sounds like the blueprint that Nickelback ended up using.
94 The Outlaw Torn
Made of paper, was he? This can’t end fast enough.
93 Where the Wild Things Are
Is this Metallica or Soundgarden or Alice in Chains?
92 Carpe Diem Baby
Should the title have a comma in it? The only thing I want to seize is control of the skip button.
91 Fixxxer
Instantly forgettable. Why did they waste time with this at the 40th anniversary?
90 Bleeding Me
No.
89 The House that Jack Built
Unmistakably Metallica, but shit.
88 Devil’s Dance
Same.
87 Slither
A song this slow by a metal band of Metallica’s calibre should be massively heavy to compensate, but this ain’t exactly osmium.
86 The Memory Remains
“Featuring Marianne Faithfull” – it doesn’t get much less metal than that.
85 Bad Seed
Sounds like a song that wasn’t good enough for The Black Album.
84 King Nothing
Exactly
83 Ronnie
Sounds like a theme tune for a show about a private detective that lives out in the desert who doesn’t play by the rules that was cancelled after one season.
82 Thorn Within
Some good riffs, but not Metallica quality.
81 Better Than You
Maybe not, but better than the previous 16 entries on this list.
80 Poor Twisted Me
Nothing to see here.
79 Cure
If he were dead, Robert Smith would turn in his grave.
78 The Unforgiven II
It’s as if someone said, “let’s make a song that’s very obviously like The Unforgiven but not close enough that it’s plagiarism”.
77 Ain't My Bitch
Promising start, petering out into slight disappointment.
76 Prince Charming
Disappointingly not an Adam and the Ants cover. It has a great main riff, even if it’s not remotely thrash metal.
75 2 x 4
A bit groovy and Pantera-esque, but ends up with a Status Quo The Wanderer vibe.
74 Attitude
A good bit of guitar harmonies that sound unlike their other guitar harmonies. Did Kvelertak nick the metal part of their sound from this track? A decent metal song.
73 Until It Sleeps
Unforgiven-y, as if the three versions they’ve done of that aren’t enough.
72 Murder One
Slow and forgettable.
71 Hero of the Day
Could have been on The Black Album as a lesser album track.
70 Wasting My Hate
Also Black Album-y, not bad.
69 Nothing Else Matters
The start of the rot with ballads. This was however the band’s first foray into using orchestral stuff and perhaps laid the foundations for the S&M experiment, although the jury is still out as to whether that was a good idea.
68 Fuel
OK, easily the best of the Load/Reload years.
67 Here Comes Revenge
The weakest Hardwired song. As if it was pieced together using leftovers.
66 The Unforgiven
I’m sure some were impressed by this in 1991. I wasn’t one of them.
65 Now That We’re Dead
This 7-minute album filler track might make you wish you were. That’s unkind, because on some of their weaker albums, this would easily have been the strongest track
64 The Unforgiven III
It might start with a piano, but this is the strongest song in the Unforgiven series, a trilogy no one asked for.
63 Am I Savage?
Yes I am… no, wait, that’s something else. It’s another slow one, but you’ve got to remember that Metallica’s members have a combined age of about 250 now.
62 My Friend of Misery
This allows Jason Newsted to show he can play the bass nowhere near as well as Cliff Burton with a bass intro on a song that really fails to ever get going.
61 Halo on Fire
This is a fairly heavy song that is let down by the weak distortion-free verses. I know they’ve done this kind of thing throughout their career with One, Welcome Home, Fade to Black, et al, but that doesn’t mean I approve.
60 Broken, Beat & Scarred
Every album has to have at least one song that seems like just filler. This is Death Magnetic’s.
59 Atlas Rise
Fairly solid.
58 The Struggle Within
The military drumming at the start seems a bit ridiculous, but the guitar harmonies have a multi-layered Justice-style sound. And then the song proper starts and it’s not as good as it should be.
57 Enter Sandman
This might be their biggest ever song, but it heralded the start of a period of “selling out” or at least making less metal songs than they previously had. I bought the 12” single of this when it came out and played it at 45, as you generally do with a 12” single. It wasn’t until the solo that I realised it was way too fast and started again with it at 33. Hetfield’s Alvin and the Chipmunks vocals should have given it away.
56 My Apocalypse
Reasonable album closer, leaving you wanting more. Which they did give us three years later with the Beyond Magnetic EP.
55 The Judas Kiss
It’s alright. If I was listening to Death Magnetic, I wouldn’t skip it. But at the same time, I wouldn’t put it on the jukebox in a pub.
54 Moth Into Flame
Epic air guitar moment a la Bill and Ted at the start. Heavy riffage. Standard Metallica.
53 Holier Than Thou
A diamond in the rough of The Black Album.
52 Escape
The worst song of the Burton era. And why the hell did Hatebreed cover it?
51 The God That Failed
Is Jason Newsted ripping off Megadeth’s Dawn Patrol at the start? Why yes, I believe he is. I think the band ripped themselves off later too because The Memory Remains definitely has hints of this in it.
So that concludes part one. There are already some controversial heavy hitters that are way down the list. I imagine Enter Sandman might prove the most contentious, but hey, it’s just my opinion.
Wait until you see what I have to say in the top 50!
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